...and I'm dancing with myself

This is my article for our Hebrew school's newsletter. Enjoy!

Never Fear, Don Eganu is here!

If you’re anything like me, you’re desperately annoyed with the lack of good Israeli music on iTunes. They have some of the huge artists (and even then, not all of the most famous artists), but what about smaller bands, bands that only sing in Hebrew and have less international appeal? What about Israeli indie bands? There doesn’t seem to be any way to get them here in the United States.

Welcome to Eganu, where, “Israeli culture meets the world.” Eganu is a site specifically for Israeli bands and their fans. Any Israeli musician is able to create a profile and start speaking to their fans, whether they be six or six thousand. HaDag Nachash, koltura, and lo dubim are some of the most popular on the site, but they are by no means the only ones. In fact, as of December 2009, eganu.com houses 1,198 different Israeli musicians and groups, and countless other music fanatics.

So, how can you use Eganu? It’s easy. First, make your free account. Add some information about yourself, and then get searching. Don’t know what you’re looking for? You can just browse around the site and listen until you find something you like. Most musicians have a link to some of their music on their profiles. Find something you like? Become a fan! If you have a specific genre in mind, you can search by genre. Planning a trip to Israel? You can check the concert schedule of all of the bands you’re a fan of at once.

See you at a Yestegan chaY concert?

My Secret

After going on and on about PostSecret the other day, I figured I should share one of mine. So, here it is. Enjoy.

Click your heels together three times...

Have you ever had a secret? One that you can't tell anyone, that eats away at you from the inside, but you can't give voice to because that would make it too real? That, my friends, is what PostSecret is for. PostSecret is a project/website/book series created by the wonderful Frank Warren. The PostSecret project started out as almost a prank-Frank printed 3000 self-addressed postcards and handed them out on the streets of DC, asking recipients to mail him the postcard with a secret written on them. Even after the cards ran out, the secrets didn't. People began mailing him their homemade cards. He has been called America's "most trusted stranger." People with a secret finally have someone to turn to who they can trust. They can say what they want to say, to abusers, rapists, parents, siblings, friends, lovers, even strangers, without the fear of repercussions. It's a way to let go of everything. Some secrets are hilarious, others mundane, still others heartbreaking. Every Sunday, Frank posts a selection of cards on his blog, and still others are posted on his twitter and myspace pages.

PostSecret has given many, including me, a place to send their innermost fears, hopes, and traumas. It's a release, oddly enough, to send your secrets to possibly be displayed on the internet. There's always the hope that the message will get to the intended recipient, or at least help someone else who needs it along the way. I think the best part of the site is looking at someone's secret and thinking "Yeah, me too." You don't really feel less alone, just that there are more people who are alone with you.

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Gaydar

Mine always seems to have sucked. I am most certainly not homophobic, more to the opposite, in fact. Two out of my three best friends are gay. I'm happy for them, but sometimes it sucks not having anyone completely understand where you're coming from. I have one friend who I constantly want to gush to, but I don't want to bore/annoy her.
How do you explain to your lesbian best friend why that boy makes you smile like nothing else? And how do you deal with a gay guy who keeps falling for only straight and/or taken guys? I love them, but it's hard. I feel like I get too wrapped up in their drama in an attempt to escape my own. Once I get there, though, it's too depressing! I don't want to know anymore.
Also, I'm excited that they're confident enough to be so open and proud! But it shouldn't feel like they're in an exclusive club, should it? It just gets so annoying sometimes, when they treat it like this thing that I'm not welcome in. I try to be as helpful and as understanding as I can, but I resent being sort of used when work is needed, then treated like an outsider when it's time to celebrate a victory.
Am I jealous?
Am I greedy?
Am I horribly shallow?

This is my life.

Soldier of (bad) Fortune

I enter the school with a brand new doctor and a brand spanking new disorder. PTSD. Isn't that just for wounded soldiers? It makes it sound like I'm coming back from Iraq, fresh from a bombing where I lost my two best friends and an arm. It doesn't make me sound like a very tired, very scared 16 year old girl. PTSD makes me sound like I've been through more than I have, and I sort of like that. It makes me feel braver than I actually am. I use the word as both a shield and a mask.

I'm going to tear off a corner of the mask for you, though. PTSD is not only for wounded soldiers. It is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and anyone who has been through a trauma (like lucky little me) can develop it. What does it mean? It means that I'm jumpier than I should be, easier to startle. I'm always on high alert for danger, real or imagined. I have dreams that I wish I could wake up from. Oh, and you know those scenes in crime shows where the amnesiac has vivid flashbacks of clips of what happened? You guessed it! It's not all for drama.

This is my life.

Hair of the Dog is a better band than it is a drink...

...not that I've tried it.

So, I'm supposed to talk about my feelings to the safe anonymity of the internet. I've never been so good with feelings, though. Other people's, sure, but my own have always been a problem. Nasty, messy things. They've always been best left alone. Here are the facts:
I am 16.
I am 5'6"
I weigh more than I should.
I drink much more Diet Coke than I should.
I have just been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder. Quite a mouthful, huh?

This is my life.
Want to hear more? Let's take it one day (or disorder) at a time.